thought you guys might enjoy this support email

[FrustratedGamer]

Here's the backstory: The local used bookstore had a 20% off sale this Memorial Day weekend. They have all sorts of stuff, including, what I gather to be, extra software that a publisher may have produced that simply was never sold. The software is generally a few years old, but still brand new, that is, never been used before and still in the shrink wrapped boxes. It's a great place to get cheap games.

The game I purchased this weekend was "Secret Files: Tunguska." Let me just say that I love adventure games. I was really excited when I got home. But unbeknownst to me at the time, trying to get the game to work would be an adventure all its own.

The game ships on 4 CDs. One after the other, I cycled through them during the installation process, like 4 magical silvery discs in a joyful puzzle to get one step closer to playing the game. Even my mouse is excited at this point, ready to click his way through a fuckin adventure game! Hell yeah!

But not so fast. My eye catches a clue on the first magical silver disc. In ancient lettering it has "Play Disc." Having been on many adventures before, I recognize immediately that it's one of "those" games where you need the first disc in the drive before you can play. And so goes in the first disc again.

And then to launch the program...

Nothing.

Off to the publisher's website I go to seek sage advice from some descendant of Sahasrahla. But oh no! That evil blond sorority girl of dead webpages is smiling at me, taunting me, holding on to her backpack in front of what seems to be some sort of generic university, content she is that the sage advice I sought no longer exists. You know this girl. She haunts the internet like a banshee. She is the harbinger of undead websites.

As Yoda once said, "there is another." Off to the ancient library of Wikipedia. I search for the page on "the adventure company", only to see that it has a parent company, "DreamCatcher Interactive." Oh, the wonders of Wikipedia, showing me that the website I should be seeking is a sub directory of DreamCather's website. Off I go...

404? But wait, that's a 404 on a completely different website, something called JoWood. I have no fucking clue what that is. Did I stumble into a warp zone and not know it? Back to Wikipedia I go, this time to find out about DreamCatcher. Ah ha, DreamCatcher interactive is owned by JoWood Entertainment. Wikipedia has a link to the DreamCatcher website, so off I go.

This isn't DreamCatcher. Well, the domain name I'm at says DreamCatcher, but the branding all over the website is "JoWood."

Ok. Fine. A company bought a company bought a company. This shit happens. At this point my mouse is starting to get worried that he won't be able to play this clickity-click adventure game we've purchased. But do not fear my mighty mouse, we have the parent company in our sights. At this point it's only a matter of time before we find the game listed on their website.

Not gonna happen. Not one mother fucking game from the bought out publishers can be found on JoWood's site. FUCK!!

Luckily, Sahasrahla has a cousin, his name is Google. This adventure isn't over yet! After sifting through piles of shitty results, I learn that "The Adventure Company" was only the US publisher of the game. In Europe there were different publishers. Finally, something to go on...

Woohoo! Jackpot, the European publishers are still in business! And deep in the bowels of the European publisher's website I find the thing I need, a patch.

You always need a patch. And this patch makes the game winnable. It's like Daggerfall all over again. At this point I'm glad I didn't get this game when it first came out. Adventure games that are unwinnable will drive you to insanity.

I install the patch. Or so I fucking thought. At the end of the installation windows pops up a message saying "Hey bitch, you ain't installing these fucking drivers! This shit will make me stop working. Update yo shit!" Or something like that.

Drivers? What drivers? We don't need no fucking drivers! But sadly, this fucking game does. After some clickity clickity I'm at a website for "Tages SA".

At this point I know I'm at the gates of Hell. Hell I tell you. And this just fucking sucks.

This isn't the first time I've installed a game where the damn copy protection drivers that shipped with the game don't work, necessitating one to track down just which fucking company is responsible for the shit fest, and desperately hoping for a fix.

Luckily, Tages has fucking drivers for my fucking version of fucking windows. I don't know if you can tell, but this shit is fucking frustrating.

I download and install those fuckers. Finally, I can play this fucking game.

Or so I fucking thought. Up pops this gem of a fucking error message:

"Please insert original DVD of '!!!progname!!!'."

Really? mother fucker. What a fucked up adventure this turned out to be. The fucking copy protection shit can't even read the original fucking disc. What fucking hell am I in?

Then I uninstalled that fucking copy protection bullshit, and then uninstalled the fucking game. My poor little mouse isn't going to be able to click through an adventure game, one he was so eager to try. Why don't these damn publishers think of the mice they hurt? They're computer peripherals too, for fucks sake.

With all the fucking software uninstalled, I, in one last gasp of breath before being eaten by a grue, send a sarcastic email to Tages tech support.

Here is the screen shot of the email I sent and their one line reply. What... an ass.

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/429/captureyv.png

[Joe Forster/STA]

Watch the fucking language!

[Grumpy]

I must say, for such a long post it was actually a good read. Loved the punchline from Tages Tech support. lol

Head over to the GameCopyWorld 'Secret Files: Tunguska' page and use a NoCD exe or a Mounted Mini Image to play your game without the need to have the 'play' disc inserted.

Your mouse will be forever gratefull.

[Joe Forster/STA]

But seriously, here's a very good example of why the goddamn publishers (not developers!) should be obliged to release a final patch that removes if not all but, at least, the intrusive commercial copy protection at the "end of product life": within X years of gold release; when official support ends; when the publisher goes bankrupt and/or bought by another company; when the original copyright holder dissolves; whatever.

Also see our recommendation in the PC Games forum FAQ to prefer games distributed on physical media rather than "digital downloads" for similar reasons: as soon as the central authentication server is down, you won't be able to play anymore. (And, yes, I did play Wolfenstein-3D for DOS, from 1992, two years ago during the Christmas holiday, with a full map replacement addon. So what?)

JoWood is known to use custom copy protections - and difficult-to-crack ones at that - as well as nasty triggers which suggests that they're even worse than the average publisher when it comes to choosing between more money (preferred) and smoother user experience (not preferred). In similar style: fuck them!