The Offical Funniest Jokes Thread

[bnke]

an old lady goes into the pharmacy, an whispers to pharmacist" do you have anything for my husband hes not like he use to be" the pharmacist replies we have all kinds of things back here that will make a pecker bigger. the old lady smiles at the pharmacist an asks him can you get it over the counter. pharmacist smiles back at old lady an says "sure but im gonna have to take 2 of them .

[crazygamelover]

The author of this funny is unknown at this point but it was sent to me by my wife in an email and it was too good not to share!



Courtroom:

During a trial, in a small South Carolina town, the local prosecuting
attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if
she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the
Bible, so help her God.
The witness was a proper, well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type,
well spoken and poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them
behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the
sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well."

The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes. Then,
slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not
to mention the court reporter who documented every word.



Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The man
can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice
is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his
chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered
throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.

At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both
counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of
you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail."

[SCVirus]

http://bash.org/?295093 i win.

[Grumpy]

A man who runs behind a car gets exhausted!

[Kendo Nagasaki]

A guy is laying on his bed, idly flicking through the channels on his tv. He noticed his wife posing in front of a mirror across the room.

"Gee, i wish my breasts were bigger", she says. "Well, ", says hubby, "rub some toilet role in between them."

She seems puzzled by this remark, "Are you sure that will work?".

"Worked on your butt, didnt it?" says hubby.